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The only life quotes blog that spews snarky quotes, witty reflections, and sarcastic wisdom sharp enough to stab a cliché and leave it bleeding. Snarky Suzie leaves no quotes, proverbs, catchphrases and song lyrics unskewered by her razor tongue. Suzie doesn't motivate. She humiliate.

Snarky Comebacks To Quotes About God, Faith & Divine Shenanigans

Snarky comebacks to quotes about God prove that divine wisdom isn’t immune to a little sass. Whether you worship coffee, crystals, conspiracy theories, or an actual deity. There’s divine comedy in all of it.

Let’s be honest, some quotes about God practically beg for a sarcastic side-eye. 

Faith can inspire awe, fear, obedience… and occasionally, facepalms. 

From televangelists promising salvation to philosophers pondering God’s cosmic intent, the material is endless for roasting. 

That’s where Snarky Suzie aka the Witty Witch Of Wisdom barges in. 

Armed with equal parts skepticism and sharp wit, she delivers snarky comebacks to the most quoted thoughts about God, the universe, and everything in between. 

Einstein’s God doesn’t play dice? 

Suzie’s pretty sure the universe is playing drunk Jenga

Mark Twain blamed God for our bad behavior, Snarky Suzie’s just trying to file a celestial HR complaint. 

Whether you’re spiritually enlightened, religiously confused, or just here for the theological chaos, these sarcastic clapbacks are your holy scroll of irreverence. 

Belief may move mountains—but sarcasm builds the observation deck.

Snarky Comebacks To Quotes About God

Snarky Comebacks To Quotes About God

Yes, Snarky Suzie knows religion, spirituality, and belief in God are serious business. 

But hey,  even the Almighty probably needs a good chuckle between bouts of divine intervention.

Enter snarky quotes about God: hilarious one-liners, sharp observations, and downright sarcastic roasts.

Perfect for anyone who’s ever rolled their eyes at divine plans or questioned why the universe seems like it was written by an underpaid intern.

Original: “God has no religion.” — Mahatma Gandhi

Snarky Suzie Says: Ah yes — God has no religion, but His fanbase is aggressively sponsored.

Original: "God does not play dice with the universe." — Albert Einstein

Snarky Suzie Says: No, He plays Russian roulette. With us.

Original: "Life is God’s novel. Let him write it." — Isaac Bashevis Singer

Snarky Suzie Says: Oh, so this is the first draft? That explains a lot.

Original: “Prayer is when you talk to God; meditation is when you listen to God.” — Diana Robinson

Snarky Suzie Says: So basically, God's customer support line is voicemail-only?

Original: "People see God every day, they just don't recognize him." — Pearl Bailey

Snarky Suzie Says: If that’s God, He needs a new PR team.

Original: "God: The most popular scapegoat for our sins." — Mark Twain

Snarky Suzie Says: The original ‘It’s not me, it’s Him’ excuse.

Original: "I don't know if God exists, but it would be better for His reputation if He didn't." — Jules Renard

Snarky Suzie Says: He’d be better off as a conspiracy theory—less accountability, more mystery.

Original: "How tired God must be of guilt and loneliness, for that is all we ever bring to Him." — Mignon McLaughlin

Snarky Suzie Says: If God had a ‘block user’ button, we’d all be banned by now.

Original: “I think God, in creating man, somewhat overestimated his ability.” —  Oscar Wilde

Snarky Suzie Says: Man: the ultimate AI that forgot it’s artificial.

Original: “God will not look you over for medals, degrees or diplomas but for scars.” — Elbert Hubbard

Snarky Suzie Says: If scars are the real résumé, I’m overqualified and underpaid.

Original: “The function of prayer is not to influence God, but rather to change the nature of the one who prays.” — Søren Kierkegaard

Snarky Suzie Says: So prayer is personal therapy, not divine text messaging. Got it. 

Original: “If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.” — Woody Allen

Snarky Suzie Says: Make God laugh? Easy. Just tell Him you’ve got your life under control.

Original: “If you think God’s there, He is. If you don’t, He isn’t. And if that’s what God’s like, I wouldn’t worry about it.” — Haruki Murakami

Snarky Suzie Says: If that’s God’s style, no wonder everyone’s ghosting Him.

Original: "God has entrusted me with myself." — Epictetus

Snarky Suzie Says: Ah great, self-management is now officially divine duty. Guess I’m on holy probation.

Original: "God gave you a gift of 86,400 seconds today. Have you used one to say 'thank you?'" — William Arthur Ward

Snarky Suzie Says: Thanks? I barely survived the first 60 without existential dread.

Original: "God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with." — Billy Graham

Snarky Suzie Says: Giving with one hand while grabbing power with the other: capitalism’s handshake.

Original: "Where mercy, love, and pity dwell, there God is dwelling too." — William Blake

Snarky Suzie Says: Sure, God’s there—right between the ‘thoughts and prayers’ and the empty promises.

Original: "Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." — Garth Brooks

Snarky Suzie Says: Unanswered prayers: God’s way of playing cosmic hide-and-seek—with your sanity.

Original: "God never ends anything on a negative; God always ends on a positive." — Edwin Louis Cole

Snarky Suzie Says: If God’s endings are always positive, mine must be a sick joke.

Original: "Men must be governed by God or they will be ruled by tyrants." — William Penn

Snarky Suzie Says: So either divine dictatorship or human chaos. Hard choice. 

Original: "What ever disunites man from God, also disunites man from man." — Edmund Burke

Snarky Suzie Says: Burke says losing God means losing each other. Judging by humanity, we ghosted both a long time ago.

Original: "What God intended for you goes far beyond anything you can imagine." — Oprah Winfrey

Snarky Suzie Says: Beyond imagination? I’m still stuck on the last WTF plot twist.

Original: "God is a verb, not a noun." — R. Buckminster Fuller

Snarky Suzie Says: If God’s a verb, that probably makes most of us awkward adjectives at best.

Original: "Sometimes God writes straightforward in twisted lines." —Gloria Trevi

Snarky Suzie Says: Sometimes God writes straightforward in twisted lines... and then lets autocorrect do the rest.

Original: "Laughter is God's blessing." —Joseph Prince

Snarky Suzie Says: Laughter as a blessing? Then I deserve a standing ovation—for snorting soda out my nose.

Original: "God used beautiful mathematics in creating the world." —Paul Dirac

Snarky Suzie Says: Beautiful mathematics? The only equation I see is: chaos + confusion = humanity.

Original: "God is in the sadness and the laughter, in the bitter and the sweet." — Neale Donald Walsch

Snarky Suzie Says:God’s in the sadness and laughter? Great, so He’s just as confused as the rest of us.

Original: "The Bible is not man's word about God, but God's word about man." — John Barth

Snarky Suzie Says: Not man’s word about God, but God’s gossip about man. This is front page news.

Original: "However many holy words you speak however many you read, what good will they do you if you do not act on them." — Buddha

Snarky Suzie Says: That’s why I don’t read your holy words. I can get bad advice for free on Twitter.

Original: "How important the concept of God is, and how instead of valuing what has been given us, we with light hearts spurn it because of absurdities that have been attached to it." — Leo Tolstoy

Snarky Suzie Says: Leave it to us to ruin God with marketing.

Original: "I do not concern myself with gods and spirits, neither good or evil, nor do I serve any." — Lao Tzu

Snarky Suzie Says: I don’t serve gods — I serve time in this meaningless loop called existence.

Divine comedy? Absolutely. Irreverent insight? Without question. 

After all, if God really made us in His image, He’s probably got a sarcastic sense of humor too. 

Either that, or He’s facepalming somewhere in the cosmos.

If this list made you laugh, cringe, or question your entire spiritual résumé, then Snarky Suzie has done her holy work.

Belief is powerful, but sarcasm? It’s eternal.

Spiritually shaken but still snickering?

Bless you. Now go a step further and see how belief itself gets roasted like a burnt offering at a cosmic barbecue.

Explore Snarky Comebacks On Belief Quotes →

"Don't give a snark"Snarky Suzie
Witty Witch of Wisdom | Sarcasm is Self-Care

I'm Snarky Suzie — sass-slinger, snark architect, and curator of the Snarkinary word vault.

I write because therapy’s expensive and sarcasm is free.

“Don’t Give a Snark!” — Snarky Suzie

Snarky Suzie

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  • • “Seize the day—before it seizes you with problems."
  • • “Don't quit... your day dream.”

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