Funny Proverbs With Snark: Wisdom That Has Zero Chill

Funny proverbs with snark transform tired clichés into clever insights, blending humor and wisdom for a fresh, unforgettable twist on timeless truths.

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Forget the old-school advice that's meant to "guide" and "teach." 

Snarky Suzie of Don't Give A Snack is trading earnest platitudes for eye-rolls and sarcasm. 

This isn't your grandma's wisdom.

Funny Proverbs With Snark

It's a collection of funny proverbs with snark designed for anyone who's ever thought, "I've got a lot of thoughts on that."

Whether you need a cutting Instagram caption, the perfect comeback, or a good laugh at the absurdity of modern life, these bitingly relatable sayings are for you. 

Get ready for some major shade—wisdom with an attitude problem starts now.

The early bird gets the worm, proving ambition often leads straight to disaster.

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Curiosity killed the cat, but boredom was just as effective.

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A friend in need is one who knows how to ghost like a pro.

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A snark a day keeps your friends away.

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Do unto others — but add sarcasm.

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Give someone an inch, and and they’ll build a kingdom on your misery.

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You are what you eat, no wonder you’re such a walking disaster.

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Too many cooks spoil the broth, guess teamwork isn’t for everyone.

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Let sleeping dogs lie, some disasters are better left to rot in peace.

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You can lead a horse to water, but some prefer choking on their own stupidity.

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What goes around comes around, and so does your bad attitude.

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A watched pot never boils, but your complaints about it just might.

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If you can’t handle the heat, maybe mediocrity is your true calling.

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A stitch in time saves nine, but you’d rather collect regrets like trophies.

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Actions speak louder than words, so stop yapping and start doing.

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Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, Hope is just practice for disappointment.

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Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they do make for great gossip.

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You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can teach them to complain.

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The pen is mightier than the sword, but both can get you stabbed in the back.

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A fool and their money are soon parted, because generosity only goes one way.

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He who laughs last doesn’t get the last word; probably forgot what they were even laughing about.

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Don’t throw stones in glass houses, trust me, your hypocrisy is fragile enough.

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You can’t please everyone, but you sure can annoy them all.

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Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but silence just makes people suspicious.

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Birds of a feather flock together, especially when they’re gossiping.

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If at first you don’t succeed, lower your standards or quit trying.

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You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, some people peak at stubbornness.

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Too much snark makes the heart grow colder.

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A snark in time saves nine... arguments.

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You catch more flies with honey, but snark catches more attention.

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Snark is mightier than the sword when the Wi-Fi goes down.

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A fool’s snark is often mistaken for wisdom.

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He who speaks with snark may get the last laugh, but never the last word.

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Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless you enjoy going hungry.

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A snarky comment a day keeps the drama at bay.

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Silence is golden, but snark is priceless.

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He who throws the most snark is the first to get blocked.

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Snark never solved a problem, but it sure makes the conversation interesting.

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When life gives you lemons, add snark and make a margarita.

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The pen is mightier than the sword, but a passive-aggressive group text is a close second.

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Who knew wisdom and sarcasm were a match made in heaven? 

These funny proverbs with snark prove that a little attitude can make even the oldest truths feel fresh and hilarious. 

So go ahead—steal your favorites snarky English proverbs, use them as your next social media caption, or just share them with a friend who gets it..

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"Don't give a snark" — Snarky Suzie
Witty Witch of Wisdom | Sarcasm is Self-Care