Snarky Living In The Moment Quotes: Kicking Your Inner Guru In The Pants

Looking for snarky quotes about living in the moment with just the right dose of sass and sarcasm? 

You're in the right place. 

Forget all the spiritual advice. 

Mindfulness sounds great until you're "present" at a family dinner where you're being asked why you're still single.

You've found the right spot for snarky quotes about living in the moment that give a serious side-eye to all that unsolicited wisdom. 

We embrace the chaos with a healthy dose of sass, and you should too.

Snarky Living In The Moment Quotes

So if you're over toxic positivity and need some real-talk wisdom to go with your existential coffee, dive into these snarky life quotes. 

Original: “Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.” — Buddha

Snarky Suzie Says: So you’re telling me to ignore my tragic backstory and my fantasy retirement? Bold move, Buddha.

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Original: “Be happy for this moment. This moment is your life.” — Omar Khayyam

Snarky Suzie Says: Fantastic. I’m currently stuck in traffic behind someone who just discovered turn signals.

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Original: “We do not remember days, we remember moments.” — Theodore Roethke

Snarky Suzie Says: Especially the ones where I called my teacher “Mom” or waved back at someone who wasn’t waving at me.

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Original: “One today is worth two tomorrows.” — Benjamin Franklin

Snarky Suzie Says: Cool, but if today involves adulting, I’ll take a double shot of tomorrow, thanks.

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Original: “Rejoice in the things that are present; all else is beyond thee.” — Montaigne

Snarky Suzie Says: Rejoicing in this pile of mismatched socks and emotional fatigue as we speak.

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Original: “Waste not fresh tears over old griefs.” — Euripides

Snarky Suzie Says: I’m not crying, Euripides. My eyes are just sweating over season 2 of my past mistakes.

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Original: “We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine.” — H. L. Mencken

Snarky Suzie Says: Translation: no one knows what’s going on, but we’re all pretending we do. Cheers to chaos.

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Original: “Today is the first day of the rest of your life.” — Charles Dederich

Snarky Suzie Says: Perfect. I already spent it doomscrolling and questioning all my life choices.

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Original: “We are always getting ready to live but never living.” — Ralph Waldo Emerson

Snarky Suzie Says: I *am* living. Just as soon as I finish organizing my digital desktop for no reason.

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Original: “The best thing about the future is that it comes only one day at a time.” — Abraham Lincoln

Snarky Suzie Says: And thank goodness, because if Monday and Tuesday teamed up, I’d need witness protection.

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Original: “Today is life—the only life you are sure of. Make the most of today.” — Dale Carnegie

Snarky Suzie Says: Already made the most of it—ate cereal for dinner and avoided five phone calls. Nailed it.

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Original: “One should count each day a separate life.” — Seneca

Snarky Suzie Says: Then I’ve lived hundreds of lives and achieved... inbox zero once.

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Original: “Nothing is worth more than this day.” — Goethe

Snarky Suzie Says: Unless this day includes jury duty and food poisoning—then I’ll pass.

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Original: “Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present.” — Albert Camus

Snarky Suzie Says: So basically, max out your energy now and leave your future self holding the existential bag.

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Original: “In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you.” — Leo Tolstoy

Snarky Suzie Says: I would, Leo, but I’m 47 tabs deep and someone just scheduled a Zoom about a spreadsheet I haven’t made yet.

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Mindfulness isn't always about Zen gardens and green tea. 

Sometimes, it's just about getting through the day without a total meltdown. 

These snarky living in the moment quotes remind us that life is weird, messy, and a little sarcastic.

So if you needed an excuse to laugh at the chaos while you’re pretending to be present, consider this your permission slip.

Stay snarky. Stay untamed. Screenshot responsibly

At Don’t Give A Snark, snarky quotes aren’t just words. They’re a way of life. We blend brutal honesty, real-life grit, and a dash of cheeky humor to serve up truth with attitude. Looking for more cynical wisdom? Save this page for your next existential crisis—we'll be here.